I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
