I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Can I color on your dick again?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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