I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
