Already got asked if we're dating
I've blown a few things in my day
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
