you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
