So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
