Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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