Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
