There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
