we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
