Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize