If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
