I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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