"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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