Banned from zoo.
Again?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
