yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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