she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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