Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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