My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
