I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
