my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
