Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
if only i could text you this smell
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize