every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
