Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Randomize
