its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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