between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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