She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
