Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
