You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
