Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
