The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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