I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
