You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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