I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
