We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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