singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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