adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I think my moral compass just broke
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