I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
