spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The beer is more important than you right now.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
