i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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