why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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