So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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