Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
