I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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