this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
