At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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