we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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