I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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