I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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