i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
