Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
