Pappa wants mamma naked
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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