The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
