we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
