Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
