The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
