You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
