If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
