i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
