Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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