Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
