and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
