I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
