I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
