What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
