the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
