watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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