He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
