He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
