I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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