I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Mom said you looked used
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize