do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
