i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
