No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
