i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
