You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
