i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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