I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
