What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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