I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
