...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
