I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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