Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
