If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
