After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
