so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
