She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
