omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
