ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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