so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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