The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
