i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
