He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
