Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
