My sheets look like a crime scene.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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