just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
