420 ftw
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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