if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
