I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
