FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I need water and some morals
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
